"You have the heart...but do you have the will?"

Hey Everybody:

It's been a really long time since I last wrote anything new, and in the time that I have been away I have been through a lot of things:

1) going to Weddings.
2) recovering from surgery.
3) thinking about my current job.
4) reflecting on my faith.
5) talking with Fran about having a heart and will.
6) talking with a friend about what a relationship entails.


1) Going to Weddings:

In the last few months I have been in and out of the office and it seems that funny enough while I was out and mostly missing get togethers with my friends from university and church, I didn't miss going to weddings. In retrospect I still have some pictures I have not sent to my friends yet...but for now due to ironically my work, I will have to wait on that later. )

I don't know if it is just me but while I am touched and very happy, I feel old...that might not sound like it makes sense, here is what I mean: I just notice a lot of my friends are either in the category of getting married, are in the process of getting engaged or just plain married. I get the feeling that strangely I feel alone even in a room full of people. ( silly... I know) I feel as if though there is just something missing and as I reflect on that, I keep wondering if I was just either immature or just plain naive.

Nevertheless, I am always feeling honored to be asked by my friends , and it serves to remind me that I have good friends who are around me. ( Thank you God for not putting my workdays on other people's weddings!! And for putting people in my life who always manage to make me laugh or smile.)

Speaking of feeling honored, congrats to Andes and Christie on your wedding!! ( and making me feel just a few years younger--and feeling like a reunion of other university buddies I didn't get to catch up with throughout this past year) I'll try to get the few pictures I do have--I am sorry I never got to get them on time--I spent a lot of time talking to UW cCCF friends I almost didn't take pictures!!

On a sad note, I am sorry I didn't get to support you guys recently through a death in the family...which moves me to my next topic.


2) Recovering from surgery:

Soon after the wedding I had left for a minor surgery on my head due to headaches and other stuff, and a "bump" on my head, at first I was told it was just "Fatty deposit" and that it would take no time at all...then I found out literally on the operating table it was bone tumor...luckily for me it was just benign. At first I had relatively little trouble sleeping but that second day felt like I had an anvil for a head!! The painkillers helped, plus I was so zoned out I almost didn't know I was off work (post surgery) --but I do have to admit although that week recovering was hard for a sleepyhead like me--it was nice not dealing with phones, sales or any other stuff to do with time limits and the whole nine yards.

I spent most of the time home sleeping and resting my head, or spending time with my grandma--( I love my grandma)--The rest of the time I was glad to have some time to clear my head, although I gotta say, it felt like the time when I had wisdom teeth pulled and was zoned out enough not remembering anything.


3) Thinking about my current job:

The one question that I now ask myself is: "What have I learned?" I learned a lot in the relatively short time span, that I apparently can be impatient, but it might be the environment or just a side of me that I didn't know I had...that strange aggressive side...all the while having a oddball sense of humour.

One of my friends asked me if I felt it was like "suffering" and I guess I couldn't quite put it that way, I see myself as just a guy who was there to do my job. In the positive side I am still "young" but I have to be honest I don't consider myself young anymore, I get that feeling that when it comes to my birthday I have a sense of fear ( I don't think I am that young) and I am not all that impressive but starting out is all I have right now.

I guess I always wonder if I can beat the clock, that is still be employable if and when I finish with my job.

Work has taught me a few things:

1. Having good friends makes the ride worthwhile
2. Connecting with people
3. Professionalism
4. There is a sense of personal achievement (not monetary)
5. I am a small gear ( that is part of a bigger machine) and easily expendable
6. No textbook in the world will ever teach me the importance of earning
7. That school is fine, but it has to be worth it for you personally
8. The world is a tough place, but if you are willing to work...
9. The only respect that is worth anything is self respect
10. You need intensity and "controlled insanity" to put up with problems

That tells me I have a lot to be thankful for in my life God knows I probably don't fit here, but my own parents have taught me when I was a child: "Thomas, you don't know the value of a dollar until you earn it...with your own two hands."

At the time, I was really too little to understand...but I never forgot that, and now the words will sink in and have a deeper meaning.


4) Reflecting on my faith:

I haven't spent as much time as I used to in devotions, but everytime I read a good book I have a sense of peace.

Sometimes it's not even about reading, but it keeps me intellectually engaged, it gives me that comfort and I always feel refreshed and ready to take on another day. It's been a long time since I last wrote in my journal ( and it's not a lack of motivation but rather I think I would need the sleep) both literally and figuratively, I felt like I was sleeping away on my faith.

Faith is not just about trust but in a Christian life, it also means having the humility before God. I speak not of blind trust, but the true peace of mind that I have believing in God. That He is real to me...

I admit, I am unlike many of my other friends I don't recite or remember passages, it was not something necessary--that's why I have my devotion journal, unfortunately I think I spend less time in prayer. When I do have time I am usually out spending time with some friends or just chatting ( and usually needed sleep badly enough that I just loosen up and not think about work or anything else)--I think of every step of the way as a journey of sorts, even though I wonder how much of the road I have taken.


5) Talking with Fran about having a heart and will:

I recently had spent sometime talking with my friend about life in general, everything ranging from jobs to church and making choices...about having a heart and a will...

I spent a lot of time in reflection and it has been many weeks since then, when taking about working currently I just notice a difference between work and school. I know that personally I would rather work as I earn my way slowly. While in school I knew what my abilities were and felt it would be a waste if I did not apply them in life. I know that many people tend to say time heals, I tend to think that time changes me in terms of personality, tone and thinking.

In my case, I changed a lot over the past year too. Time was a factor... I was much more cynical and aggressive and I didn't know that I could be "draining" to talk with, and while talking with Fran I realize just how important it was to realize other weaknesses. I still listen to people and manage to connect, I seem to be weak when picking up communication cues.

I know that my heart has always been set on helping people, to make a difference. Social work held that appeal to me, it inspires a positive passion in me as a person. Having a passion is great of course, but reality is I was asked to look deep inside myself and see if I have the "will" for helping professions.

Fran had reminded me again that being a good person and having that desire to help others in need is a positive trait, but as she pointed out I lacked the will...not in terms of willingness, but in terms of ability. It's not a personal attack or anything like that, but it takes energy and Fran reminded me repeatedly of the need to "pick up cues" I was told that in order to succeed I might need to "Overhaul your whole personality" a disturbing thought in some ways but a valid point as applied to me.

I was reminded by another friend like always I might believe in things "a little too firmly" while it has it's positives and negatives, I am mainly focused on the negative aspect of believing too firmly in things ( or believing in a course of action) it made me realize how "draining" it can be especially if this was in the workplace. I am just thankful I haven't made that mistake.

And I keep asking myself if it was worth it. I still feel lost and adrift, but time gave me a unique perspective. I still feel like my mind is all over the place, and needed to organize and collect my thoughts again.


6) Talking with a friend about what a relationship entails:

I recently spent sometime talking with another friend and the topic of relationships came up, and knowing my friend she told me that she thinks I was lucky being single, as I did not have emotions or other problems to tie me down.

"It must be nice being alone wouldn't you agree?"

I don't think it's "nice" I think that it sounds sad. In comparison, I have to say that it's not interesting to be lonely. Being alone eliminates "the problems" of having a relationship right? I think it's a nice "problem" to have. I think it's sad that my friend figured that a relationship is "all about me, me, me"

It just doesn't sound right.

Personally I think that relationships is something I would cherish, for me, it was about being there for the other person, to support the person I am with, to encourage them. I think that is the fundamental key to any relationship, to encourage each other. I figure if for some reason I can't be there for the person, there would be no point to having a relationship.

Having a relationship is about mutual understanding, not benefits. Without that mutual trust there is nothing really, I guess having that understanding and willingness to support the other person is important to me...because having the right person to be with is what makes a relationship worthwhile.



Logging off,

TKO

Life's little irony

irony‚• noun (pl. ironies) 1 the expression of meaning through the use of language which normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous effect. 2 a state of affairs that appears perversely contrary to what one expects.

ORIGIN Greek eironeia simulated ignorance.

http://www.askoxford.com

According to the Oxford dictionary the word "irony" applies to using language to signify a implied meaning of sorts, stating the opposite of what is truly intended. (Shakespeare uses irony to great effect)

However in this entry I am (no pun intended) thinking of the opposite or more precisely, the second meaning stated in the above definition.

"a state of affairs that appears perversely contrary to what one expects."

I was actually thinking of what to write, and I really wanted to get my thoughts and feelings down and yet I could not think of a way to express it in articulate words. So I'll begin with a story:

Many years ago I was in my late teens when I was given a challenge ( and when I say challenge, I do not mean it as an exaggeration) and no, not to a contest of any sort. Rather I was called to task by my parents. I had two choices: I could either choose to quit right after I finished school (high school) or head to university. I was told that if I choose one over the other there are going to be consequences: but above all else I had to prove to them that an education meant something.

At the time I was both stubborn, angry and felt that it was such an stupid request that I did not think twice and jumped right at the chance. To be honest if I had to do everything all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. As a person life outside of my familiar trappings of home gave me the strength to seek and also gain partial independence.

I truly could not have imagined what I would be doing if I had elected to stay in town. And in my mind the friendships I have gained from just simply being in another town gave me insight. I am not speaking in just the sociological sense, I have grown as a person because of my surroundings ( faith had a much stronger presence and impact in my mind than at any other time) At least faith does not have as much an impact to me at the present time .

My occupation is in the customer service field, and like my friend says: "Welcome to customer service it's NOT glamorous!" I can understand the frustration ( and sometimes joy) of working in the job, I simply realized that I tend to have a sense of relief when I can help solve problems. I was not even interested in the "perks" of the job. (that is to say, I didn't care much for incentives)

One day, I walked into work not thinking much and I had a small chat with a co-worker:

Bob*: "Hey Thomas what do you think(of the job so far)?"

Thomas: "I don't know either which way, couldn't say I like it or hate it. Why?"

Bob: "Thomas you gotta love your job man.."

Thomas: "What? I come into work feeling like a zombie and I couldn't figure out much...sleep is not even a factor."

Bob: " But you did lots right? to get to where you are right at this moment, you finished school right? Aren't you proud to have a job? At least you have one...think of all that you have accomplished...all those years, all that work and it's come down to this(job). "

At that moment I don't know whether to laugh because the mere thought that my job is anything to be "proud" of sounds awfully silly, or whether I should break down and cry because it was sad and seemingly anti-climatic. I have friends at work who undoubtedly have more education and brains but somehow they probably wonder : "How did I get here?"

In my case, I ask myself "What on earth did I do to get here?"

I ask myself this question every single time I am at work, beyond all the time I spent finding a job and between me crashing and burning in more ways than one ( at this rate, I think Johnny Bravo has a better chance at getting a love life than I do.)*

I guess in all my years, I do not consider myself a failure in the general sense, but I can tell you that with some pain that I always seem to fail where it counts. In some ways I think, there are days where no matter how bad things can get, I tend to think that it could always be worse. I have one comfort: I don't see myself in customer service for life. There might be hope for me.


*Bob has his named changed...Johnny Bravo is a cartoon character ( look up Wikipedia)

Signing off,

TKO

CCSA Banquet, Ben and Audrey and Church

Hey everyone:

I had an awesome past weekend and just wanted to write about it (since I had time to spare)

1. CCSA Banquet:

First of all, thanks Fran for reminding me of it (I am so glad I went because it kept my mind off work and so many other stressful things) I had fun and actually saw a few old university friends there! The food was good (Although I have to admit I was not a fan of the pasta at the hotel) I am also glad I met a few new people...yes and yet another funny conversation about banking and service charges.

It was fun as the night rolled on all types of teams in the divisions were mentioned (I was originally in the roster for Vertias--originally a Knight myself) I ended up not able to play due to work...and then at the corner of my eye there was Alison, Derek and Hannah!! LOL it was good see you guys again from CCF.

And when the speech by the presidents of the league I heard a team called "A sac of rice"--wait did she just say "A SAC OF RICE"?! it left me wondering until the other presenter said--yes, "SAC of RICE...say it fast Sacrifice" The one thing that knocked me out was the headache I got from sitting a few tables away from the loud speakers. (they were doing singspiration)

Congratulations to Brian and Darwin on receiving awards for MIP and MVP respectively. There was unfortunately no dancing (but everyone else was decked out in semi formal attire)

2. Ben and Audrey married:

Congratulations to you two!! Thank you for the invite Ben, and it was an honour to be there to cheer you on =) I have to say it was a beautiful wedding (despite it raining all day) and it was a wonderful reception, I am glad I also got to meet a few more new people. The St. Pauls Anglican Church was breathtakingly beautiful (it's the largest Anglican church in Toronto)

a picture of it could be seen here: www.benandaudrey.ca

St.Paul's: http://www.stpaulsbloor.org/

The wedding reception was also very nice it had an open bar (shame I quit drinking a long time ago) but all the speeches and games made the wonderful evening a blast--by the way, Rie it was a pleasure meeting and dancing with you =) Thanks for making my day.

The reception was at Liberty Grand: http://www.libertygrand.com/centennial-room.html

And of course last but not least, Thank you Steve and Vicky for the Pre-Party at your home..sight this is where I should have thought to have brought a camera between Sam making *ahem* comments about men on the team...uh...yeah... and me actually dancing around at the reception =P

Note to self: do workout...but not a good idea to do 53 pound bench-presses in quick reps at the gym after running for 30 mins on the trendmill! LOL (by the time we were at the reception my arms got tired and sore as soon as a conga line formed) Thank you Justin for driving me from and to events that weekend and Thanks Rex for helping me for Sunday services the following morning! =)

P.S. Darwin, do you have those pictures of the four of us looking silly down at Steve's garage?? Yes, Rex that picture of you "hugging" Justin does look "interesting" LOL (okay I am kidding!) But yeah I need some pics =) please send them by my box. And oh yeah, Darwin remind me the next time you go to a party to expect hours and hours of getting "Up,up,up and gettin down" ;)
(while me Justin and others wait in the car LOL)--Darwin, you are one heck of a partying machine!

3. Church--St Christopher's:

Hm...how I miss being here, it's so good to finally return (even if I am in and out a lot) I had so much here...and it made me wonder why I didn't come here when I was younger...here I fought my own battles and got advice from my friends, developed friendships, renewed my faith and actually came back to it.

A lot more things happened when I was not around...and by the time I came back the church itself is restructuring...I think that St Christopher's had taught me to basically cool down and mellow as a person and taught me what being Christian should entail...not so much just the aspect of faith, it got me to think about getting baptized and while I still have not decided that next step, I am always trying to understand my faith as I move on with life.

I will always be guessing, but it was thanks to this church I was able to climb forward and look for something new...it taught me to look within myself and at times reminded me that I need to be stronger. (If not physically, spiritually I knew I was lacking)

There is always a difference being merely a person who follows the world and the person who follows God...In a way, I am that one person who could not decide to which world I belong.

I always felt like a strange wildcard...outspoken, and usually quick to judge but not necessarily bright.

I found that being a man who conforms to a pattern is easy, but being a Christian who is humble is so difficult and yet, I always found myself returning to faith.

4. Sidenote: Meeting up with Nick

Well, what can I say old friend? You always did make me laugh and always pointed me right, it was good meeting up with you for lunch...and to answer your question/observation: "nope. I am not broken"

a little battered mentally or emotionally maybe...but I can't remain broken...I know you were saying: "Thomas you are laughing a little too hard, so it's something really bad?"

Well, I guess bad is a matter of perspective, but I tend to hope that I see the positive in my experiences--even if I tend to have the worst timing or luck. I'd like to think that no matter how bad things are, I always pick myself back up and move on...even if I don't feel "great" I always needed to be stronger, and laughing is just a way to break tension and stress. And believe me, I've been through worse things in my time, I am just glad I am still alive, and that's a start.

Signing off,

TKO

Of Kings and Men...

Hello People!!

Changing gears a bit another passage in the bible made me think... 1 Chronicles 21:1-22:1 This passage was one that made me think a bit about what makes us as individuals feel a sense of security...the things that I have heard include: money, food, shelter,warmth and the feeling of belonging, the assurance that we are loved by our parents and so fourth...

This passage is about relaying on God's guidance and trusting what is right...God commanded David that there was no need to worry as he has provided him with the means for battle...as his grace is sufficent enough for those who believe in him. David choose to do a census of Israel, dispute Joab's hesitance (1 Chro 21:3)

"But Joab replied: May the Lord multiply his troops a hundred times over. My lord the king, are they not all the king's subjects? Why does my lord wish to do this? Why should he bring guilt on Israel?"

God did not see taking the census to be "sinful" in the conventional sense...but it did anger God as an act of pride, and therefore, God punished David by killing 70,000 men...to teach David a lesson...God sent an angel to destroy Israel but was sad upon seeing the destruction, ordering the angel to stop.

One question was raised: God is infinite in his love and mercy, yet he choose to kill 70,000 just to teach his anointed king a lesson...why?

Another verse caught me as unique as well (1 Chro 21:11) God gives David an"Gibson's Choice" Paradox:

"Take your choice: three years of famine, three months of being swepted away before your foes or three days of the Lord's sword--plague in the land, with the angel of the Lord ravaging Israel."

That is a choice which is not really a choice at all: yet David choose to "fall into the hands of the Lord..." and asked he not "fall into the hands of men"

David realized his error and bowed down before God, atoning for his act of pride, God orders David to bulid an altar...

David inquired to God as to whether or not he can bulid a temple in His name...God explains that if there is to be a house in His honor, it cannot not be bulit by a man of war (David is in God's favor, but simply because as king he lead wars and shed blood of others.) 1 Chro 21:6-9...Lord lets Solomon to be the builder of His house as a man of peace.

It makes me wonder how much I have changed, since finally returning to my church...in work I wear a different hat, and in church I seem a lot more remote but much more at peace... I wonder: How much did I depend on God in my work life? In any success or failures? Yet I seemingly am not strong in faith.

The most interesting thing about God's love is displayed towards Solomon when he became the king of Israel (1 Kings 3:5-9) God says "Ask for whatever you want me to give you"

Is it riches, fame, power or immortality? Nope.

Solomon asked for "Wisdom." Why wisdom? Solomon's request was simple...he so loved God that he felt as a leader he needs wisdom to guide his kingdom, so that his subjects will follow God.

If God was here today and said: " I can grant you anything, simply ask." I doubt I have the foresight to ask for something wise...what would one choose if given such a choice? I wonder...

Signing off,

TKO

"This is the only reality you knew...until you make a new one..."

Hey everybody:

I am finally back. (okay not really as I am still swamped by work)--But I just thought I'd get a few a few things off my chest.

Here is what happened to my entire summer: "What summer? What is summer?"

Well okay, I am a little whiny (sorry) I missed a lot of things while working that I would have love to have at least gone to/visited or otherwise, get in touch with people:

In no particular order:

1. UW Convocation--This is where I could have gotten back to all of my friends just to support them like they have supported me a year or so back... (especially my friends in CCF and cCCF, I really missed you all)

2. The entire season with the Veritas and CCSA--My entire softball season went down the tubes, I was supposed to play catcher and I end up with all of my "weekends" happening in the middle of the week. (what that means is--basically I have no weekends off)--and when I actually have weekends off, I sleep. (sorry guys, that means you Dan, Carson,Gary and Horace)--and by extension--sorry Jas and Eric, sorry you guys, I'd have to e-mail you two since I slept through and missed your going away party.

3. Ah, nothing beats the fact that I am supposed to be improving my sales targets at work--and I get the involuntary "days off"--where I have a gaping 2-3 day period where I am off work until...um, whenever this so called "scheduling team" deems it necessary for me or (everybody else for that matter) when they simply show up to work.

...Okay, one thing good did come out of it Fran, I am glad I got to talk to you in my otherwise physically brutal schedule...on that note...you told me about something that basically had me thinking just a few more times in the last day or so...(which is a good thing for once, since now I don't bring my work home with me.)

Okay I'll break down my thoughts to a few parts: (and yep, I shared the same sentiments with you before, Fran--thanks for making me think one more time--or more actually.)

so this entry is again about...relationships...or rather what it means. Well, at this point I have feelings for someone and don't know how to go about saying it (or at least I know what I wanted to say...just couldn't find the words to put together.)

I'll admit it's been a number of years since I ever was in any "relationship"of any kind, I know that if I say my past was a major factor in my decisions, it seems logical as I always have at the back of my head, said: "I have to be careful...I have to be careful" Knowing my past and what became of me years later I still lean on the side of caution.

Here's another hard thing for me to admit: ( but quite true) I have two options I could:

a) choose to walk away and ignore my own feelings ...(truly foolish and seemingly cowardly of me)

b) or just tell the person. (of course the hard part I now find is: not so much that have feelings for that person..I don't even care about getting rejected, since I wouldn't feel hurt at all), but how do I get the message across that I value their friendship and that it means more to me than anything in the world, and that I am not expecting anything to happen or have any response for that matter?

Fran: Thanks for telling me that I am trapped in the past...because "it was the only reality I knew..." and nothing will go forward because I have nothing "until I make a new reality"

If anything, I learned that over the years I guess even I am tired of running, because of fear, and somewhat foolish responses to "reality" I wonder if I am making excuses for myself...subconsciously or otherwise.

Of course I still couldn't figure out if I should just write them a letter or tell the person myself. Fran thanks for handing me a hammer to break down my "reality" of the past. I guess, the one thing I learned was that no matter what happens, the past will always stay at one point in time, no matter how horrible it is...I am the one person who can beat the past and walk forward...

Now...that said "making my own reality" is harder than it seems...At least bit by bit the fear is finally going away. Thanks Fran for reminding me, that my personal "reality" is what I make it.

Signing off,

TKO

Vocation--as in a job--not a vacation!

Hey Everybody!

It's again been a very long while since I last wrote or kept up with my blog, but it seems to always be good to have something on my mind... for some reason this popped into mind for me, when we were little I am sure all of us at one point or another had this question :

"When you grow up what would you like to be?"

Well, when I was little I guess I didn't know any better and couldn't think of anything and almost always I had a strange answer.

When I got older, at one point I really wanted to act. So in my years at junior high I took drama classes and was for some reason not understanding of even myself (at that age, I was so naive it seems funny looking back at it now, but at one point I thought I could really achieve it.)

Then I realized how bad my memory was. I couldn't remember lines, scripts or anything for too long.

But there was one lasting memory I guess I always will have...and it was the fact that I had will, but no real ability. Almost 10 years later I found it mere child's play. A dream that is not anything real, just a dream.

Today, so many things have changed, I have no need of bright lights, no lines of Shakespeare and things constantly change...Not too long ago I originally had a goal and it was simply to become a social worker (I shouldn't use the word "simply" there is nothing simple about it)
I currently work in the customer service field and I had a discussion with a friend of mine about basically vocation.

Something he said reasonated with me very deeply: "Thomas, you know I just think that if you wanted an honest opinion, you're way too softhearted for that type of a job...I know you didn't plan on being in a company, but who knows? You might really end up working here for life."

He's right about one thing : who knows?

I was onced asked by another good friend of mine: "Thomas do you really see yourself working in a company? Is that really what you see for yourself?"

Well, it's so odd for me to say I don't know. Just because there are all types of things in life that I really don't know about, regardless whether or not God factors into it.

But anyway, my friend taught me quite a bit whenever I talk with him (just by virtue of the fact that he is many years older than I am) It was always fun to talk just because my friend is always down to earth ( he's a very dedicated husband to his wife and father to his kids) it just made me think.

"You know I always worry about my kids, just because you get older, you just don't stop worrying. You know, when you were young there are all though neat toys? My kids always want a new toy, I just brought my little girl a Nintendo DS, and my boy always plays with the Game Boy...after his sister is done playing with it, I think I should get him something new, just so his childhood memory isn't that 'Dad always gets me the hand me downs' And I still worry about putting them through school in a few years. "

So what does all this have to do with vocation?--well, it just made me think of how I lived my life so far, no matter how much I plan, or work towards something life never turns out to be that simple. I found that in my life I was always very serious, no matter where I was (school, friends and work) I always had a bad habit of not relaxing...(of course I don't lose it, or at least I try not to)

Some people know me as a very animated person (and I still am, if albeit in a very different way) if anything my energy is not the same, the past no longer lingers on as much and I think about how unpredictable my life is: sometimes even that makes me shake up a little bit. However, if there is anything this job taught me about life (besides it's unpredictable nature) Is that little by little dreams go away, and reality becomes the one constant, it dictates the rules of the road.

And time I found over the years, does not heal all wounds...but it does become a valuable teacher.

Signing off,

Thomas

Work, work stories and a beautiful day

Hello Everyone!

How are you all doing? It's been a while my apologies, I have been thinking a lot and working (primarily) and just doing things at the office everything from taking phone calls to shaking my head in disbelief to involuntarily having the theme song for "Miami Vice" in my head (more on that later)

Firstly, working gives me mixed feelings...(and yes, I still miss all my friends from cCCF and CCF) but work gave me a focus or at least a new target. (Far from what I envisioned I would be doing but nevertheless it seems to be good for me) I do have a lot of positive things to say about my workplace, even though I won't name the company, I'll tell you what they have done for me...I was never expecting a company to help their employees when it came to learning disabilities, but my bosses and trainers gave me a lot of time to learn, surprisingly enough, they also took the time to figure out how it potentially affects me at the workplace.

There is still a lot to learn and I thank the great people at LinkUp who helped me get the job, and as a result I didn't feel like I was wasting my time when I work...now on to the work story

I am sure you've all heard of the saying: "When in Rome...do as the Romans do" ironically I have actually been to Rome...and it seems to ring true when my friends mentioned work having a culture all their own...and there is really such a thing as casual day! ( although I practically always wore a shirt and tie)

But what do you get when you cross a shirt and tie with wardrobe from a episode of "Miami Vice"? or worse, it reminds you of the Jim Kelly Tae Kwon Do movies of the 80's? you get well...one co-worker who induces more laughs than a night at Yuk Yuk's

of course I always get really bad attempts by said co-worker to launch insults (although I would actually be curious, just what the heck does insults in French sound like?)

This leads me to naturally always say: "Did you raid the 80's again??" (of course, this only gets a really puzzled guy totally lost) the odd part is I am not even usually inclined towards laughing at people (Although having weeks of shirts and suits that remind me of Snoop Dogg in a 50 cent video--I don't know what to think)

Other random things that happen to me at work (and yes, I even laugh at myself) this includes having failed attempts to pronounce names with no consanants (although sadly, I really was trying my best to get the cilent's name right) *sigh*

But aside from that, I have to say work is really challenging and interesting, it taught me so much that I was more inclined to work than take a break (and yes, breaks actually do help) I was just very quiet and methodical when approaching things at work, I am also not animated like I used to be, and I actually take work home with me.

Another plus for me seems to be that I am paid to learn and I must say that I am happy with that, and there are so many helpful people at work it always gets me feeling energized when I go to work ( hm..I still haven't brought my mp3 player with me) but for once not writing essays and think of ways to beat the tar out of exams definitely makes me happy.

I found that working got me thinking about investing money whereas in the past the thought did not occur to me as much as it did now.

The only thing that is a setback? I miss my friends so much. But that can't be helped I guess...^__^ hey I'll always remember the great brothers and sisters at Waterloo...you guys always did bring a smile to my face.

Now what is more beautiful than a rose? why, today of course! It's been a while since I actually had the time to take walks outside so I went out for a long walk (while listening to songs on my mp3 player) it was so beautiful outside I actually stood around and closed my eyes and breathed deeply, I stayed and even watched the sunset--I don't know how to describe that--other than it's just a beautiful day. ( Actually Super Cutie's beautiful too, wait...my mind's wandering off again..^^")

Signing off,

TKO